Monday, March 19, 2012

Well if only time meant more progress...

I'm sitting here reading tons of blogs regarding losing weight and finding a better life and women who have been put on fitness magazines from losing weight and I want to be happy for them, I want to feel the strength they have to help me with my battles but what do I feel.


No one wants to be around you when you're on the journey, but after you won it, everyone wants to be a part of it. They want to ask for your help and all that, but whats wrong with sticking it out with someone who can only work hard every day hoping to reach the same point as those 100+ lbs lighter group.

I was reading someone saying most dieters she read have talked about the body they had before their weight-loss as another person. When I think about their journey, I see nothing similar to myself. I have lost 9.3 lbs after three months. No weight watchers helping me out, no money to get things that could significantly help me leap over that huge and tough step that arrives in the beginning. Such as "Get your ass up and do it!" It would be easier if I had planned meals and work outs waiting for me, but I don't. So I'm slowly getting over my hump and I know for a fact that who I am now will be the same person whether I succeed on this journey or lose. Will I be able to do more if I lose this weight and reach my goal, yes! Will I make more memories after losing as I would have if I had lost my weight, most likely no! So I'll be happy either way, but will I really be living my life if I didn't go through with this?

I don't think so.

I came across this blog that tends to have a ton of followers, etc. The girl was popular before she lost her weight. She had friends enjoyed life. Was she happy I don't know. But for me my life has stopped because of my weight. I have been heavy since I was 5. I don't have any sob story for the reason I have been stuck in this 238 lb body. I just don't have any self-esteem.  Is that what made me, me? Is that the reason I haven't cared to change myself all these years?

I'm 23, college student, mother of 2, engaged and still I'm unhappy.

But I'm trying.

Day by day.

Meal by meal.

Snack by snack.

I worked out almost every day for a month and lost 3.6 lbs. Was that enough for me, no. I was hurt, I felt as I had accomplished nothing. But I did and just didn't know it til now. Food is still controlling me and I have to turn it around. I have to be the one controlling my food. I have to not be afraid of it. It's never been my enemy, it's been my long time best friend since I could remember. Food has never let me down....until now.

So for those going on this journey with me I hope you stick around, cuz we still have a long way to go. But it's better doing it together then by ourselves. But finding the way is going to be the biggest step of your life. And right now sitting at this computer I'm ashamed I'm not doing something more to get this going. So I'm leaving it at that and I'll be back soon!


  1. Are you eating enough? I know we all want to lose it all and lose it in quick time, but sometimes it's a long journey. Are you taking your mesurements? Sometimes you can drop inches without dropping lots of weight because muscle weighs more than fat and if you're doing a lot of exercise perhaps you're replacing fat with muscle.

  2. Sharon, thank you so much for coming by. I wish I would have responded sooner, but I think I'm off the old diet and onto the next though this time my wedding is just three months away and I can't stop anymore.

    I agree with you completely so what I did ALL day today was right down the weeks worth of meals to know what I'm eating. I really think I haven't been eating that much, I don't eat out anymore with saving money for the wedding and so I don't understand why I'm still not losing weight. So its down to the wire and time to get started. I could have been so much closer if I had stuck to my diet before, but if I want this that bad I got to do it.

    Hope you come back again!